My Diary: When your Voice. is too Loud for Their Agenda

When Silence Isn’t Peace, and Loyalty Becomes a Liability

From the beginning, I showed up for every event, even when I was mentally and emotionally breaking.

I may have not created this vendor group — but I helped build it.

Shop With Your Neighbor was launched in November of 2020. I joined as the Scentsy consultant in September 2021. From the day I joined, I poured in.

I showed up. I brought people in. I shared posts. I helped find vendors. I gave away products. I donated baskets – hundreds of dollars in baskets. I even delivered orders and the donated items myself.

I did it because I believed in the group and the idea of building something bigger than myself.

I thought it was a place for community — not competition.

But I was wrong.

The Shift: One Question Changed everything

On June 25th, 2025 I saw a post in the group that vendor spots were now something we had to apply for – even longtime vendors.

I felt the shift immediately.

Something was off. And my gut was already bracing.

So I reached out privately. Respectfully.

I asked the one question that had been sitting in my chest:

“Do I need to worry about my spot?”

It should’ve been simple.

But this past year hasn’t been simple. When Fayth got sick again in November, everything started to crumble. My mental health spiraled. Depression sank its claws in deeper. My business took hit after hit.

Life hasn’t let up.

So yeah…. this question wasn’t just about a vendor space.

It was about needing something to feel stable.

It was about needing an ounce of security.

But the response I got?

Cold. Distant. Vague.

No reassurance. No clarity. Just enough silence to confirm what my gut already knew:

Something was already in motion.

I looked at my husband, and I broke. Tears. Nausea. Panic. I couldn’t stop crying.

This group holds so many of my customers. I trused it would be a safe place to grow – and now everything I built inside that group, belonged to someone else.

My business wasn’t solely dependent on this group – but I poured into it.

And now? It gelt like I was being erased from it.

I’m terrified of losing my customers. Not because I don’t believe in what I do – but because they’re sitting in a space now where I’ve been pushed out and replaced and they have no idea.

The group message that said it all (without saying it)

Days later, I was pulled into a group message – me, the woman running the vendor group, and one of my very own teamies and someone I was once very close to.

Not just a friend.
Someone on my own team.
Someone I supported in business and in life.

But this wasn’t a conversation.
It wasn’t a check-in.
It was a decision, already made.

There was no collaboration here.
No mutual respect.
Just control, optics, and presentation.

The text I still replay in my head

After that message, I sent my friend a text.

I wasn’t angry.
I was hurting.
I was honest.

Her Reply?

No conversation.
No accountability.
Just silence and dismissal.

And yeah, I question whether I should’ve even sent that text. Was she pulled into something? Was she manipulated too? Was she offered a spot I wasn’t, and told a different version of the truth?

I’ll never really know.

But what I do know is this:
There were conversations.
Because how else was she even considered as a vendor to replace me?

The friendship that disappeared

Before that group message ever happened, I felt the shift.

She pulled away.
Became quiet.
Detached.

I tried to check in. Tried to understand. I felt it in my gut, but I kept hoping I was wrong.

I wasn’t.

She ghosted me.
She didn’t defend me or our friendship.
She didn’t even ask if I was okay, knowing how much I had been going through – before all of this, or even today. But I still was showing up for her! Because I cared. I still care.

And honestly? That hurts more than the replacement.
More than the group message.
More than the vague responses.

Because this was someone I trusted with my story. My life. My daughter’s life. My trauma. She wasn’t just a team member – she was my friend.

The post that wasn’t about me…. but absolutely was

After I shared my pain on my own timeline – not in the group, not tagging anyone, just processing – I opened Facebook to see this: “Facebook should be called ‘My Diary’…. lately, that’s a pretty accurate description of posts, passive aggressive behavior, and thoughts you should keep in your head.”

Facebook should be called ‘My Diary’…. lately, that’s a pretty accurate description of posts, passive aggressive behavior, and thoughts you should keep in your head.

I didn’t comment. I didn’t say anything. But I saw it.

It was aimed at me.
At others who share their pain publicly.
At people who dare to speak the truth without sugarcoating it.

It was meant to shame.
To mock.
To silence.

But here’s the thing:
This “diary” of mine? It’s survival.

It’s not about drama.
It’s about healing.
It’s how I process trauma, own my story, and stop letting people like her pretend they didn’t help cause the pain I’m now untangling.

If my truth makes you uncomfortable, maybe you should ask why — and what part you played in it.

The message that proved her real intentions

The truth came out in another message – one that shattered any illusion of “community.”

It was never about people.
It was about growth.
Numbers. Fake profiles. Replacing loyalty with whatever was “convenient.”

She told me I placed 12th in sales.
Told me the group needed a refresh and needed to grow.
Told me she wanted to tag-team two consultants in the same Direct Sales Company – me and my downline.
Told me it was a “win-win.”

But if you know me, you know this:
I will never compete with anyone on my team.
Ever.

That is not who I am.
I don’t leed with greed.
That is not leadership.
That is not loyalty.

And when I spoke my truth? She told me how I should feel. Told me how I should heal. Told me to “stop dwelling on the past.”

But here’s what she doesn’t understand:

I’m not stuck in the past.
I’m just finally done pretending it didn’t happen.

The accountability post that made me sick

Then came the final straw.

July 31st. A post on her personal page. A graphic. A quote. A declaration about accountability and moral integrity:

We owe people something. You owe an apology to those you’ve offended. You owe gratitude to those who’ve supported you. You owe respect to those you’ve disrespected. Accountability is a personal act of integrity….

Who do you think you are?

After the lies? After the replacement? After the public mockery?

Don’t post about accountability if you’re not willing to look in the mirror.

Why I am finally speaking up

Because I’ve been silenced before.
Because I’ve been ghosted, replaced, and erased – like I never mattered
Because I gave years of my life to help build something I truly believed in.
A space I thought was about community.
A space I thought was safe.

And the moment I became ‘inconvenient”?
I was tossed aside like none of it meant anything.

Many of my customers are still in that group.
All the vendor events I helped — pouring in my own money, my time, my trust.
All the energy I gave through the years…. still there.

But me?
I’m not a vendor in there anymore.
I was replaced.
I was thrown out — because I didn’t want to compete with someone on my own team.
Someone I considered a friend.

Just like that.
Swapped out for someone else who would “help the group grow.”
Because for them, it was never really about people. Or loyalty.
It was about numbers. Control. Ego.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

When people care more about control than connection…
When they swap the truth for convenience….
When they preach “community” but choose performance every time….

That’s not a safe space.
That’s not a community.
That’s a machine.

And it’s definitely not a space I want my customers — or any small business trying to grow — to be part of.

Because what happened to me?
I never want to see happen to anyone else.

The Truth I’ve Held In

I’ve been in a horrible place since this all happened.
It’s August 30th, and I’m just now ready to hit publish.

Mentally. Emotionally. Physically.
I feel like I’ve lost something I gave so much of myself to.
I’m scared to lose my customers.
I’m scared to speak up.
And I’m scared of being misunderstood.

This isn’t something I wrote in a moment of anger.
This has lived in my chest for months.

I’ve cried.
I’ve questioned everything.
I’ve sat in silence trying to figure out how I ended up feeling like nobody in a space I truly thought was a safe space.

And I’m tired.

Tired of being sick to my stomach every time I remember that the next online event is coming up in September.
Tired of the anxiety that maybe…. maybe I’m going to lose customers.
That maybe I’m going to lose a business I’ve spent years building – even when I was going through some of my darkest days.
That the trust I built — with real people — is sitting in a place I was erased from without a second thought.

But today?
I’m done being quiet.

I’m not going to stay scared of what might come from me finally posting my truth.

Because my story matters too.
My voice matters.
And no one gets to erase that again.

What’s Next for me?

I’m not giving up.
I won’t let anyone knock me down.

I may have been down for a little — but I’m rising again.
Because this story isn’t over.

No one gets to take away what I’ve worked so hard to build.
My VIP group will always be a place of safety — for my customers, for myself, and for anyone who wants to support a business built on loyalty, truth, and connection.

And now, I’m ready for what’s next.

In December, I’ll be hosting alongside Operation Fayth an in-person vendor event — one where community actually means something. Where no one’s silenced or replaced because they speak their truth.
Where the energy we pour in is respected, not erased.

And beyond that?

I will be building a new online vendor space — one where real connection is prioritized, not performance.
Where loyalty is valued, not discarded.
Where no one has to compete with their own team members, or feel like they’re disposable the second they set a boundary.

I didn’t walk away from that group.
I was replaced — the second I chose integrity over performance.

And now, I’m choosing something better.

Something real.
Something honest.
Something built from the same chaos that once tried to break me.

If you’re still reading this…
Thank you for seeing me.
Thank you for standing beside me.
Thank you for not looking away when it got uncomfortable.

This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever walked through.
But I’m still standing.
And now? I get to rebuild — my way.

Because my story’s not over.
It’s just beginning.

Want more like this? Subscribe to the newsletter so you never miss a post.

Love this post? Follow along for more raw, real life moments.

The Moment everything Shifted

The Shift

There’s a moment I keep coming back to –
a sentence, a silence, a look – 
and suddenly, everything felt different. 

You know those moments?
The ones that don’t break you publicly, they wreck you quietly. They settle in your chest like a weight you didn’t ask to carry.

This was mine.

The Sentence That Wrecked Me

I was sitting in a space where I should have felt safe.
And then came the words that cracked something open:

“I’m sorry I hurt you by bringing that past trauma up. But I don’t regret it. Because it was a damn good point.”

That was it. Not screamed. Not shouted. Just a text message–with enough weight to undo all the stitching I had been slowly sewing back together.

The Spiral

My past isn’t something I run from.
I’ve done the work.
I’ve faced it.
I don’t live in denial about the trauma, the pain, or the healing.
I’ve grown through it.

But that sentence?
It wasn’t new–it was familiar.
Too familiar.

The tone. The timing. The intention behind it….

It hit deep.
Like it wasn’t about the moment–it was about every moment I’d ever been told:

• “You aren’t good enough.”
• “You’re to emotional.”
• “This is your fault.”
• “You’re too damaged.”
• “Stay quiet.”
• “Stay small.”

And suddenly, I was back in survival mode.
I didn’t just feel broken–I was tired.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of hiding.
Tired of editing myself.
Tired of false hope.
Tired of carrying it all quietly.

I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep.
I shut down, disappeared into a version of myself I thought I’d left behind.

The Wake-up

I wasn’t made to be digestible.
I wasn’t made to be be someone else’s version of easy.

I was made to be real.
To feel deeply. To question things.
To live a life that doesn’t always follow the script.

That moment didn’t just wreck me.
It woke me up.

From that moment, I made the quiet decision:
I chose me.
I chose the mess.
I chose the real.
I chose the truth.
I chose the version of me that doesn’t shrink anymore.

The shift in motion

Healing didn’t start that day.
But something shifted.
I stopped performing.
I stopped explaining.
I stopped shrinking.

And I started living.

I rolled out my yoga mat — not just for the stretch, but for the stillness.
I opened up books that mirrored my own unraveling – The Let Them Theory
I showed up – raw, shaky, honest – but I showed up.

This Blog isn’t just a post. it’s a turning point.

This space isn’t just a platform – it’s part of the shift.
It’s what happens when you stop pretending you’re okay.
It’s what happens when you finally speak what wrecked you.

If this moment found you –
If something in this post pressed into your own healing –
I want you to know….

You’re not alone.
Not in your unraveling.
Not in your rising.

Resources + Real-Life Links

🧘‍♀️ Check out my Yoga Essentials on Amazon that helped me reconnect with my mindset and body

🛍️ Shop the Wellness Items that has not only helped me during the hard days, but everyday

📖 Read the book “The Let Them Theory” that helped change everything

🎧 Prefer to listen? Grab the “Let Them Theory” on Audible – and get a free trial

🎥 Watch the moment unfold in real like → This One Sentence Wrecked Me

Before you Go….

If you’ve ever been wrecked by a single sentence…
If you’ve ever had to shrink yourself to keep the peace…
If you’ve ever sat in silence just to keep someone else comfortable….

This space is for you.
The bold. The broken. The healing. The loud laughers. The quiet rebuilders.
You don’t have to explain your shift.
You just have to trust it.

If this hit home…. I hope you know you’re not alone.
Leave a comment. Let’s start the conversations no one wants to – but we all need to have.

Want more like this? Subscribe to the newsletter so you never miss a post.

Love this post? Follow along for more raw, real life moments.

One year ago today: A Story I’ve never fully told

One year ago today, I wasn’t here in Alabama for a vacation. I was here because I broke.

Most people know my grief. Losing my dad in 2022 changed everything. It was sudden, painful, and it wrecked me in ways I can still barely put into words. But what many people don’t know is what happened a year ago — the breaking point I hit, the decision I made, and how Chaos and Coastal Vibes was born from that moment.

The Breaking Point

On June 28, 2024, my dad’s birthday, I had a full mental breakdown. I couldn’t keep pretending I was okay. I couldn’t keep holding everything together for everyone else while falling apart inside. On June 29, I packed my vehicle and told the kids I needed to go. Kealen stayed home to enjoy his summer and pre season cross-country. Fayth got in the car with me.

We drove twenty-eight hours straight from Colorado to Alabama. No sleep. No food. Just heartbreak on wheels.

When we arrived, I walked into this house for the first time since my dad passed — and for the first time completely alone. Roc wasn’t there. My mom wasn’t there. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. I walked through the door and collapsed to my knees.

I sobbed. I missed my dad. I missed myself. I didn’t recognize the person I had become.

The summer that Changed Me

That summer changed everything. I spent hours in the sunroom crying, reflecting, talking to my dad (just me, out loud, by myself), and leaning on my mom and my best friend. I started to face the truth: I had lost myself. I was pouring from an empty cup. I was sacrificing my peace to keep the peace. I couldn’t live like that anymore.

So I set boundaries. And I kept them.

One Year of Healing

This past year hasn’t been smooth. More relationships ended. Some I still don’t understand. Some hurt deeply. But each one taught me something. And in that learning, I began healing.

Sitting here in Alabama again today, it feels so different. I’m not the same woman I was a year ago.

I’m not stronger than ever.

But I am stronger than I was.

I’m still working on myself. Still growing. Still learning to love myself in every messy, beautiful, chaotic season. I want to be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, and leader. And that starts with being honest about where I’ve been.

The start of something real

Over the last few months, you may have seen me quietly starting something new: branding photos and posts with “Chaos and Coastal Vibes.”

Now you know where it came from.

The ocean has always been my safe place. The chaos has always been my reality. But this space? It’s where I bring both together. Where I share the messy middle. Where I write through the breakdowns and the breakthroughs.

So today, with a shaky but hopeful heart, I’m launching something deeply personal.

Welcome to Www.chaosandcoastalvibes.com — my real-life healing journey. Raw. Unfiltered. Unapologetic.

If you’re walking through your own version of rock bottom, I hope this space helps you feel a little less alone. Healing isn’t linear. It’s not pretty. But it’s possible.

Minute by minute. Day by day. One year at a time.

Just keep going. You’re not alone.

Love this post? Follow along for more raw, real life moments.

Big things are coming!
This space is where I’ll be sharing the real life and healing. This space holds the unfiltered parts of life – the trauma, the heartbreak, the healing, the rebuilding.

Posts coming soon that speak to grief, growth, and finding your way through it all.

No filters. Just truth.